Sometimes, all you want to do is dine on premium cuts of meats dressed in jeans and a tee. And luckily for you, The Fat Cow knows what’s up.

Traffic, family woes, a pile of bills, a boss from hell – you’ll be amazed how many things manage to justify that calories-don’t-count-today mindset. And on those days, there’s only one address on the island that matters: The Fat Cow. Whether it’s the Budaiya Highway or Juffair outpost in question, this is carnivore central, hands down. The FACT team takes a seat amidst a diverse array of dining companions – Rocky Balboa, Dwight Schrute, and The Terminator included – and braces itself for the feast ahead. We’re handed a rather hefty menu, and quickly realise this restaurant isn’t just gigantic portions of comfort food.

• 

• 

Yes, size matters at The Fat Cow, but an even bigger emphasis is placed on the ingredients used. Case in point: There’s a Wagyu burger on the menu, the risotto is paired with wild mushrooms whand premium fillet steak, a lobster tail accompanies your steak when you opt for the surf and turf add-on, and premium toppings include the likes of button mushrooms, sundried tomatoes, and beef bacon jam. The idea is to dine on high-quality meats without the stuffy, uptight ambiance of your typical steakhouse. Win-win. We warm up for our beef extravaganza with the type of cheesy, deep-fried appetisers that take us straight back to our college days – think: onion rings, tater tots, and mozzarella sticks. Not content with ordering a plain old cheeseburger, we go for both extremes on the size spectrum: the twice-as-nice Double Bacon Cheese Burger (double patty, double bacon, double cheese) and the bite-sized Baby Moo sliders (complete with the special homemade moo sauce). But these popular burgers pale in comparison to the Tomahawk and its downright commanding presence. Served with two sides and two sauces, it’s essentially a ribeye steak cut with over five inches of rib bone left intact. This long bone is frenched (trimmed of meat and fat), leaving a ‘handle’ on the meat that looks like a Native American’s tomahawk. Hence the name.

Continuing on this culinary journey of quality cuts, we order the Bone Marrow without even giving it a second thought. Not only is bone marrow the OG brain food as it’s that flexible tissue found in the interior of bones, but it’s also considered a delicacy in this day and age – and The Fat Cow is one of the few places in Bahrain to serve said delicacy. Here, you’ll be served 650 grams of roasted bone marrow that has been spiced to perfection using garlic and parsley. As for its many health-boosting properties? Just the proverbial cherry on top. Elsewhere on the menu, there’s even more in the steaks section to choose from: Ribeye, Striploin, T-Bone, Porterhouse, Fillet Mignon, and more

But if all this meat talk is alienating the herbivores amongst us, fret not. Vegetarians aren’t exactly the guest equivalent of a red-headed stepchild at The Fat Cow (despite appearances). The Cheesy Broccoli soup is rich, creamy, and soothing – and a must-order for vegetarians. You’ll want to use the thickly sliced toasted bread on the side to soak up every last drop. The Classic Caesar Salad, meanwhile, is elevated through black olives and a homemade dressing. Oh, and while we’re talking vegetables: the FACT team unanimously agrees that the best potato wedges here are the best on the island. They’re one of eight different types of fries on the menu. Eight. We counted.

Naturally, this level of carb overload leaves us parched and we discover that, like the kitschy and colourful wall décor circa 1990s, even the beverages come with a retro twist. Old-fashioned ice cream floats accompany fizzy thirst-quenchers like Cherry Coke, IBC Root Beer, and Dr Pepper. For something a little heartier (because why not), it’s the towering milkshakes in unexpected flavours like Toasted Marshmallow & Graham Cracker and Froot Loops that are worthy of a mention. Our advice: linger over your drink with one of the wooden trays on which your appetisers were served – bet you never noticed that carved chart of beef cuts, did you? ✤

GO: CALL 7756 0560 FOR THE BUDAIYA HIGHWAY OUTPOST, AND 1717 9793 FOR THE JUFFAIR OUTPOST